i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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