Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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