I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
