he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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