dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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