I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
