you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
