I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My dick has a subreddit
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
