This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
