Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
