Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
