I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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