i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
