The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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