i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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