im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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