Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
