he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
