You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
