That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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