Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
