She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Terrible idea I love it
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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