Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
