soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
