I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize