Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
