My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
