it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
