$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
