there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
