cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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