did you get engaged???
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
