just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My breasts were aching with rage.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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