my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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