My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
