You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
