my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
