Ambien. No doubt about it.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
