I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
