When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
