last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
