I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
