Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
they call him Oral-B. enough said
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize