I think i peed on brittanys purse
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
