I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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