does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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