I heard we made out
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
