just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
