I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
