yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
