How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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