found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
