The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
