Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
