so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you traded sex for a burrito?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
