one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I want to be your penis for a week.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
