I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
