Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
