I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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