Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize
