For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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