bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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