Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
