you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
