I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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