I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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