she was so not down for the gang bang
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
