Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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