Betty ford says i'm here all night
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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