Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
