I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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