They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
