If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize