Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
