Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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