I want to stick my p in your. b.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
