I just pynch a tree in the face
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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