from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
