Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Girls should come with a carfax report
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Randomize
