My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
