Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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