I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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