My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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