alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
