Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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