I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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