Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
