yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
