I heard we made out
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
