so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
