Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
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